Rejection arouses a painful emotion of not being wanted in us all. It is a lonely feeling and not one we like to experience. However at some stage or another in the journey of our lives, we do experience it. This happens often in relationships of one type or another across all domains of life. While very few people, I suppose could confidently say they have never experienced this, for others rejection has become a repeating pattern. The fact that it is a recurring pattern however does not mean that the associated pain is less intense. Indeed this has the effect of consolidating emerging assumptions about certain issues in life, these assumptions inherently are unhealthy and indeed may not be true.
Dealing with rejection starts with some basic facts we shall briefly look at:
Life is about learning. The purpose of life is to be happy and we need to learn what that means in whatever state we may be in. Interestingly repeating life patterns are lessons we use to learn this. Being able to stand aside the situation and view it objectively enables us see our pain in a different light. Even if and when we ignore the learning in an experience of rejection, we can never avoid the lessons! However if we stubbornly choose to, then we effectively put ourselves in a position to experience the pain over and over again.
The skill is in recognizing and taking opportunities to change.
Change is inevitable and many religious sects like Buddhism and metaphysics show that change is the basis of life.
- Choose to see lessons to be learned in any experience rather than view experiences as mistakes. This in itself enables you to take control of the situation and be in charge. Note yet again that when we resist the impulse to change, then we feel the most pain. Our subjective perception often attaches the emotions to the experience. Choose rightly and take the stance of one who is in control and willing to reflect on the analysis of the relationship with a view to effecting necessary changes. Remember all change brings some learning and growth thereby.
- If we accept change as an important mechanism of life, we are then able to minimize the pain to ourselves and learn the lessons in each experience of rejection.
- If we choose to see the potential in the process of change, we tend to experience less conflict and accept this as part of the process.
- Believe in yourself and value your judgments. Once you think you have learnt the lessons in an experience, avoid putting yourself in the same positions in similar situations. Even when you are in a similar situation, make a choice to apply learnt lessons. (in other words, Be more reflective and apply the lessons learnt from before in the future). This is one way you can truly test if you have actually learnt from your experiences.
- Be grateful for the rejection experience. Had it not been for it, you would not have learnt your lessons. That is what makes us human after all. Every experience gives us a greater understanding of ourselves and what we are capable of i.e how well we can hurt ourselves and how well we can allow other persons to hurt us. Remember, if you dont allow it in the first place then you are less likely to experience the rejection. It is about us accepting full responsibility for our actions sometimes!
- Learn to let go and face the future as a victor not a victim. This is sometimes very difficult to do. Letting go is a part of healing and moving on. The more you hold on to the pain the more it eats you up! The strong feeling of revenge and getting even with whoever has rejected us could be so overpowering sometimes. My friend, I can tell you even from personal experience that letting go and allowing God helps the healing process. Your energy deserves to be better used in more productive ares of your life, so just let go. After all you have gained by learning a thing or two new about yourself and other people.
This is again another important area in life we have experienced. My attempt at this topic of dealing with rejection may not have covered all aspects and situations in which rejection can or has occurred. Indeed personal experiences may differ, so please do add a comment and be rest assured that somebody out there will benefit from your contribution. It may even be in a personal experience and how you dealt with it, add your comments.